I'm glad you're here.

Have you always wanted someone to talk to about sex? But it feels kinda awkward asking a friend... and then searching online can bring up overwhelming, confusing, or just really unhelpful information. 

Your question might be something like... is it normal for me to take over an hour to come when I'm with my partner, but less than five minutes to come by myself?

Or it could be... I've only dated men my whole life and have been married for 8 years, but I think I'm attracted to women too. Does that mean I'm bisexual? How can I know without actually physically trying? And if I don't try, does my bisexuality still "count"?

Or it could be that you're *curious* about [insert sexy sex sexuality topic here], but don't know where to start with 

learning about it. Like... 

Non-Monogamy (Is it cheating? How do I discuss it with my partner?)

Kink (Is that the same thing as fetish, or different?)

BDSM (I'm turned on by the idea, but the topic intimidates me...)

Bondage (Handcuffs? Ropes? How do I do it safely?)

Roleplay (Is a sexy nurse costume really necessary?)

Or you might feel a general sense of wanting to discover, or rediscover, 

the most pleasurable aspects of your sexuality.

Maybe you're feeling emotionally or sexually disconnected from your partner, 

or feeling shame/embarrassment about expressing your desires. 

Maybe you feel numb or like sex is a performance, 

or have trouble reaching orgasm or feeling satisfied. 

Maybe you struggle to communicate what you want or to set boundaries-- 

not just in sexual encounters but daily interactions too.

Maybe it's literally none of these things, or you're not even sure why you're here.

I promise, that's cool too.

First-- I highly recommend you attend counseling with a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) prior to or concurrent with sex & intimacy coaching sessions. However, it can often be difficult to access affordable mental health services (or to find a counselor who is a good match for you personally). During a session, I am more than happy to provide helpful information, resources and recommendations to facilitate access to counseling.

Second-- Searching for answers online can be an incredibly helpful starting point (it may be how you ended up here on my site). There are countless articles, websites, podcasts, Instagram pages, Reddit threads, YouTube videos, etc. out there. They can certainly provide both tools and insights that can supplement your journey of sexual self-discovery. If you are overwhelmed by the amount of information, I'm happy to point you in the right direction.

So what qualities are unique about talking with a sex coach? Or why talk with me, specifically?

It took me a while to figure out how to articulate it, but it really comes down to this example:

Have you ever had a therapist tell you about the first time someone licked their asshole?

I'm guessing probably not (at least not as part of their therapeutic modality). 

In our sessions, we are able to enjoy the freedom of a transparent dialogue where we're able to relate with personal stories and experiences. This spirit of openness can feel like oxygen after a lifetime of our stuffy, suffocating, oppressively sex-negative culture. 

When we feel unsure or ashamed of how we are (maybe asking ourselves "Is this normal? Am I normal?") and we encounter someone who doesn't just say "Yes, that is normal", but also says "Hey I'm like that too!" it can offer a huge sense of relief. We feel a sense of permission to embrace and share our unspoken, perhaps even secret desires. 

This is getting long, so I'm gonna bang out a few more qualities about my sessions:

- I am able to provide specific examples/answers to your questions 

(instead of broad answers from a web search)

- I can offer you customized exercises and resources

- My outlook and personality help create a space of safety and a sense of normality

- I cuss! Unless I sense that you're uncomfortable with it, I use a wide range of "dirty" language 

in a normalizing, matter-of-fact way

- I am present as your companion for any feelings of confusion, discomfort, grief, rage, trauma. What you are feeling also moves through me, and I have often wept with my clients.

- I am able to help your body relearn, practice, and build new sensory memory for acts of intimacy.

- I can help bridge your understanding of nervous system reactions. This can include: autonomic trauma responses, a feeling of "ticklishness" in erogenous zones, feeling frequently over-touched/over-stimulated, and building boundary-setting skills in the event of freeze, fight, flight, or fawn responses.

I've been advised many times that I should offer a clear expectation of results from our sessions. But one of the core values I show up with is authenticity, and I cannot bring myself to guarantee specific outcomes-- i.e. a better sex life, more orgasms, more partners, rescue from the brink of separation, absolute clarity on your desires, or emerging from our sessions as a fully actualized sexual being.

What I can guarantee is that I create a safe space of mutual vulnerability and non-judgment. If you've rarely felt safe to explore your secret thoughts, you are safe here. This is not simply a skill curated to serve our sessions. I hold a deeply felt belief that we are all just doing our best and are-- to our core-- unjudgeable. The world can be rough, and to simply feel seen, to feel understood, perhaps for the first time in a long time, can be indescribably healing. If you have felt desperately alone, feeling true acceptance and validity can drastically change the way you see yourself and interpret the world around you.